Inclusion and conflict in school: what to do for parents
Conflicts, misunderstandings, bullying - unfortunately, this is faced by almost all children in everyday life. Thus, according to a report by the UNICEF Foundation in 2017, 24% of children in Ukraine were victims of bullying in schools. And 40% of victims did not tell anyone about it. In all, about 150 million children in the world are being bullied - every second student between the ages of 13 and 15.
Children with special needs are often bullied. For example, children with hyperactivity, attention deficit, autism and other problems may find it difficult to build relationships with peers. We tell you what to do to parents if children with special needs start to have problems at school.
Adults are responsible for the integration of the child into society
It is said that psychologists call children who do not fit into the ideal portrait of mental and physical development "Children with special needs." These can be overly aggressive children, hyperactive, anxious, etc. All this can manifest itself in both mild and more severe forms. There are, in fact, many such children, but there is nothing wrong with that. They face exactly the same problems as everyone else, but they can be perceived much more painfully.
Psychologist and psychotherapist Olga Stepashko explains to us in a comment that a non-neurotypical child (ie with features) has both her character and her upbringing. Therefore, teachers need to understand that the problems of communication with other children in a particular case may be related to physiological features. For example, a child with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) did not understand what happened, hurt someone, or ignored something.
"Then it is necessary to explain in a language understandable to children that this is the case and it is necessary to adapt to this, to look for options for communication in such conditions. Or a child with special needs has shown his character (and we all have a character is not too if we are tired, annoyed, etc.) and then he should hear in his address that such behavior is not appropriate for communication and she should behave differently. That is, personal problems (character traits) should be distinguished from physiological features and corrected. This is what inclusion was created for. Society corrects behavior, makes us more accommodating and more educated. Adults are responsible for this, ”explains Stepashko.
Indeed, in a situation where there is conflict between children at school, the main responsibility lies with teachers and parents, especially when it comes to children with special needs.
It is very important that school management, teachers, parents and other relatives communicate the principles of tolerance to their children, explain how to behave in certain situations, and, most importantly, do not turn a blind eye to problems.
"If the school regularly teaches tolerance lessons, explains to children the norms of behavior in the institution and the attitude to others, peers at the slightest bullying of friends / classmates - it will stop," - says Alina Melnyk, researcher at the Laboratory of Communication Psychology Institute of Social and Political Psychology .
Melnyk says that if the conflicts do not stop, first of all, the class teacher should resolve the situation. Understand what exactly were the misunderstandings, talk to children, parents, enlist their support in conducting additional conversations at home.
"To help a child integrate into society - you need to do it from childhood. In addition to working on a child’s personality, learning self-confidence and the ability to communicate, a successful outcome depends largely on adults. If they are ready to solve this problem, it will be solved successfully. If teachers and parents do not know how to help, then according to current legislation, they can get help from a specialist of the nearest inclusive resource center , "said Alina Melnyk.
What to do if a child has conflicts at school
To help the child deal with problems, you should first find out in detail and do not jump to conclusions. Inna Sergienko, Consul of the Autism Europe Association and Founder of the Child with a Future Foundation for Children with Autismtells us that her child is 13 years old and she has autism.
"At one time, my child also experienced bullying and had problems establishing relationships with classmates, " says Sergienko.
She adds that it is necessary to determine the cause of bullying, for example, it is possible:
1. a child with PDD ( special educational needs ) does wrong;
2. the teacher is doing wrong;
3. parents of classmates do wrong;
4. classmates do wrong;
5. The parents of a child with PLO do wrong.
"Often there are several answers, so depending on this work should be carried out in critical areas, for this the parents of a child with SEN should communicate with all participants in the educational process and especially with their child, explaining where and how she did wrong (if any). fact). You can come to the parent meeting yourself and talk about your child, his problems and ask other parents to help. You can invite experts from a local organization that deals with similar issues (such as ours). As a rule, such organizations give lectures to teachers and parents and even conduct trainings for students, ”explains Inna Serhiyenko.
The expert adds that such a child should be prepared in advance for school, organize the necessary level of support, etc.
Veronika Chekalyuk, an image-making psychologist, said that parents should be diplomats and think soberly.
“You don’t have to take one side at once, for example, only your child’s side or the school’s side. It depends on the perception of parents: some believe that their child is always to blame, while others are completely in defense of their child and thus allow her to do whatever she wants, " - explains Chekalyuk.
The psychologist adds that parents need to gain courage and patience and understand the situation. In addition, it is important that parents do not ignore the school as an institution, but take an active part, showing the child that they do not care.
"The solution must be found together with the school administration. That is, here you need to work in harmony: parents, school psychologists, class teachers, parents’ committee, etc. It is very important for a child to feel that he is wanted at school and at home. In such a space, a child can fully develop, "says Chekalyuk.
Bulling and how to deal with it
There are times when conflicts escalate into a more serious problem - bullying, which we talked about a little above. Often, children who are bullied at school do not even tell their parents. But it is impossible to completely hide it, so if parents are attentive and notice changes in the mood, the nature of their child, it is necessary to understand whether she has become a victim of bullying.
However, in this situation, help is needed not only for the child victim, but also for the child aggressor. Too often, bullies just don’t know how to behave differently. Sometimes child aggressors are themselves subjected to domestic violence. They can be beaten at home, so they just go outside, to school and anger those who are weaker.
"If bullying is initiated by one of the classmates, he often has more psychological problems. You should pay attention to the situation at his home. Maybe he needs help and even more than a child with PLO, ”says Inna Serhiienko.
The Development Foundation says that bullies are also children whose families have very strict standards of compliance. Often, these are very social children who have many friends, and the slightest difference in others they subconsciously perceive as something contagious.
"One of the participants in the bullying process is a class teacher who does not notice the beginning of bullying. His responsibility is to notice and not pretend that this is a children’s issue and the strongest will survive, "the organization notes.
Experts also add that other classmates play an important role in stopping bullying. If they side with the child who is being attacked and the bully himself is left alone, the bullying will stop.
The consequences of bullying can be very serious. Therefore, parents and teachers should never turn a blind eye to this problem. One way or another, parents should pay much more attention to their children, not to push them away and not to anger them. Any conflicts can be resolved, the main thing is to notice them in time and make every effort to do so.
Author Anastasia Ishchenko
Read also: Medical services in Ukraine: what will be free and what you will have to pay For
Children with special needs are often bullied. For example, children with hyperactivity, attention deficit, autism and other problems may find it difficult to build relationships with peers. We tell you what to do to parents if children with special needs start to have problems at school.
Adults are responsible for the integration of the child into society
It is said that psychologists call children who do not fit into the ideal portrait of mental and physical development "Children with special needs." These can be overly aggressive children, hyperactive, anxious, etc. All this can manifest itself in both mild and more severe forms. There are, in fact, many such children, but there is nothing wrong with that. They face exactly the same problems as everyone else, but they can be perceived much more painfully.
Psychologist and psychotherapist Olga Stepashko explains to us in a comment that a non-neurotypical child (ie with features) has both her character and her upbringing. Therefore, teachers need to understand that the problems of communication with other children in a particular case may be related to physiological features. For example, a child with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) did not understand what happened, hurt someone, or ignored something.
"Then it is necessary to explain in a language understandable to children that this is the case and it is necessary to adapt to this, to look for options for communication in such conditions. Or a child with special needs has shown his character (and we all have a character is not too if we are tired, annoyed, etc.) and then he should hear in his address that such behavior is not appropriate for communication and she should behave differently. That is, personal problems (character traits) should be distinguished from physiological features and corrected. This is what inclusion was created for. Society corrects behavior, makes us more accommodating and more educated. Adults are responsible for this, ”explains Stepashko.
Indeed, in a situation where there is conflict between children at school, the main responsibility lies with teachers and parents, especially when it comes to children with special needs. It is very important that school management, teachers, parents and other relatives communicate the principles of tolerance to their children, explain how to behave in certain situations, and, most importantly, do not turn a blind eye to problems.
"If the school regularly teaches tolerance lessons, explains to children the norms of behavior in the institution and the attitude to others, peers at the slightest bullying of friends / classmates - it will stop," - says Alina Melnyk, researcher at the Laboratory of Communication Psychology Institute of Social and Political Psychology .
Melnyk says that if the conflicts do not stop, first of all, the class teacher should resolve the situation. Understand what exactly were the misunderstandings, talk to children, parents, enlist their support in conducting additional conversations at home.
"To help a child integrate into society - you need to do it from childhood. In addition to working on a child’s personality, learning self-confidence and the ability to communicate, a successful outcome depends largely on adults. If they are ready to solve this problem, it will be solved successfully. If teachers and parents do not know how to help, then according to current legislation, they can get help from a specialist of the nearest inclusive resource center , "said Alina Melnyk.
What to do if a child has conflicts at school
To help the child deal with problems, you should first find out in detail and do not jump to conclusions. Inna Sergienko, Consul of the Autism Europe Association and Founder of the Child with a Future Foundation for Children with Autismtells us that her child is 13 years old and she has autism.
"At one time, my child also experienced bullying and had problems establishing relationships with classmates, " says Sergienko.
She adds that it is necessary to determine the cause of bullying, for example, it is possible:
1. a child with PDD ( special educational needs ) does wrong;
2. the teacher is doing wrong;
3. parents of classmates do wrong;
4. classmates do wrong;
5. The parents of a child with PLO do wrong.
"Often there are several answers, so depending on this work should be carried out in critical areas, for this the parents of a child with SEN should communicate with all participants in the educational process and especially with their child, explaining where and how she did wrong (if any). fact). You can come to the parent meeting yourself and talk about your child, his problems and ask other parents to help. You can invite experts from a local organization that deals with similar issues (such as ours). As a rule, such organizations give lectures to teachers and parents and even conduct trainings for students, ”explains Inna Serhiyenko.
The expert adds that such a child should be prepared in advance for school, organize the necessary level of support, etc.
Veronika Chekalyuk, an image-making psychologist, said that parents should be diplomats and think soberly.
“You don’t have to take one side at once, for example, only your child’s side or the school’s side. It depends on the perception of parents: some believe that their child is always to blame, while others are completely in defense of their child and thus allow her to do whatever she wants, " - explains Chekalyuk.
The psychologist adds that parents need to gain courage and patience and understand the situation. In addition, it is important that parents do not ignore the school as an institution, but take an active part, showing the child that they do not care. "The solution must be found together with the school administration. That is, here you need to work in harmony: parents, school psychologists, class teachers, parents’ committee, etc. It is very important for a child to feel that he is wanted at school and at home. In such a space, a child can fully develop, "says Chekalyuk.
Bulling and how to deal with it
There are times when conflicts escalate into a more serious problem - bullying, which we talked about a little above. Often, children who are bullied at school do not even tell their parents. But it is impossible to completely hide it, so if parents are attentive and notice changes in the mood, the nature of their child, it is necessary to understand whether she has become a victim of bullying.
However, in this situation, help is needed not only for the child victim, but also for the child aggressor. Too often, bullies just don’t know how to behave differently. Sometimes child aggressors are themselves subjected to domestic violence. They can be beaten at home, so they just go outside, to school and anger those who are weaker.
"If bullying is initiated by one of the classmates, he often has more psychological problems. You should pay attention to the situation at his home. Maybe he needs help and even more than a child with PLO, ”says Inna Serhiienko.
The Development Foundation says that bullies are also children whose families have very strict standards of compliance. Often, these are very social children who have many friends, and the slightest difference in others they subconsciously perceive as something contagious.
"One of the participants in the bullying process is a class teacher who does not notice the beginning of bullying. His responsibility is to notice and not pretend that this is a children’s issue and the strongest will survive, "the organization notes.
Experts also add that other classmates play an important role in stopping bullying. If they side with the child who is being attacked and the bully himself is left alone, the bullying will stop.
The consequences of bullying can be very serious. Therefore, parents and teachers should never turn a blind eye to this problem. One way or another, parents should pay much more attention to their children, not to push them away and not to anger them. Any conflicts can be resolved, the main thing is to notice them in time and make every effort to do so.
Author Anastasia Ishchenko
Read also: Medical services in Ukraine: what will be free and what you will have to pay For